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Some rant about ufopaedia texts

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homunculus:
i have worked in (what i think would qualify as) a middle-sized furniture factory for a two months, enough to be somewhat disillusioned about the level of organization in such places, including the warehouse (= it is quite high).

I do agree that the base commander should not be lectured daily about the diameter of wire that is used for key rings, and how often those need to be replaced.
that is why i would prefer just a mention of some warehouse standard id and name for flavor reasons, but i would prefer it nevertheless because it is an arms room rather than an old maid's attic.
--- Quote from: Vassilios de Veritas on January 05, 2012, 09:16:35 pm ---...
--- End quote ---
the problem that i see with this rewrite is that...

maybe the player is wondering if he would need to build a second warehouse in, say, a disassembly base?
maybe the player would need to compromise a workshop or a hangar for that?
how is the storage space calculated for an item, and what items are stored, suddenly becomes somewhat relevant.

if a player is reading the storage facility text out of good will, the player probably wants to know something, and you are telling the player to gtfo.

the layout of this particular text does not help to find the info someone might be looking for, and after reading the long text it turns out that the info isn't even there.

your attitude about warehouses, however, is unrealistic in my opinion.

Vassilios de Veritas:

--- Quote ---The Storage facility is the base's repository for ammunition, weapons, and other equipment not currently in use. All small-arms, vehicle and aircraft ammunition that is not earmarked for emergency response resides in the Storage facility.
--- End quote ---
Tautology.

--- Quote ---Live ammunition and other sensitive equipment such as alien artifacts are kept in locked containers in the quartermaster's office behind rigorous security; checking anything out of locked storage requires the presence of the base quartermaster and written authorisation from the Command Centre.
--- End quote ---
So ammunition and alien artifacts have same value and importance? So when mission starts, bunch of people run into the quartermaster's office and start grabbing the piles of ammunition, or a forklift rides in? And while all this happening, poor quartermaster just sits behind his desk?

--- Quote ---The Storage facility can fit a maximum of 50 standard-sized pallets of equipment. The amount of items in a pallet is relatively unimportant, size is the main restricting factor with regards to Storage facility space. The contents of each individual pallet are scrupulously tracked by magnetic labels and detailed punch-card logs.
--- End quote ---
Magnetic labels and punch-card logs. Things are scrupulously tracked. Fascinating, considering that if you don't watch for things, you lose them. Just like if you don't close the door, someone or something can freely walk in and/or walk out. If a room can't store things, you don't call it a storeroom, and if a room can't elevate things higher you don't call it an elevator.
All of this is not hard military sci-fi, it is common sense. You know why text has this problem? Because there is not much you can say about warehouse, even if it's a military facility, there is no "recommended doctrine" for warehouses. You don't need to describe standard operating procedures to tell player what storage facility does. Especially if those sop are common sense everyday non-sci-fi activities.
Idea with pallets is a nice explanation of what is storage space in UFO: AI. 1 pallet = 1 unit of space, am i right?

--- Quote ---i have worked in (what i think would qualify as) a middle-sized furniture factory for a two months, enough to be somewhat disillusioned about the level of organization in such places, including the warehouse (= it is quite high).
--- End quote ---
I never argued about that, so... My school also had high level of organization, but reading all the rules was not an entertaining gameplay. :)

--- Quote ---In the case of an invasion, we will need all the storage space we can get. Large stores of ammunition may need to be squared away for long periods of time.
--- End quote ---
I don't get this part. First of all, since when storage space is an important part in war, any war? Ammo, guns, resources, yes. But storage space? Empty space under a roof? This is ridiculous. Secondly, if this part of the text is about invasion, then why would you need to store ammo for long period of time when you need it to fight off the previously mentioned invasion? And where were ammo piles before invasion if the need to store them appears only during invasion?


--- Quote ---During a base attack, the Storage facility would not be more than a target of opportunity. Any sensitive equipment in the facility will most likely be protected and require significant effort to destroy. Even the facility itself is cheap and easy to repair. The only threat comes from stored explosives and ammunition, which may present a risk due to the possibility of sympathetic detonation.

Still, any extraterrestrials are unlikely to spend the time and effort getting into our explosion-proof lockers when there are easier targets nearby.
--- End quote ---

Oh, so the storage facility is totally not important, and the only danger is our own rockets and 'nades. This part renders most of text above it pointless, but it's actually the most correct one. Because storage facility is a place where you store things.

I would also like to point, that in-game encyclopedia is not the only place where player will receive information concerning the storage facility. There are also gameplay information and graphical representation. Gameplay information player will receive when he'll start interacting with storage facility. What will it be?

You can't store things without a storage facility, so if you want to store things on a base you need to have it there.
Storage facility has limited storage space. If it runs out, build another one or transfer to other base.

Now lets look at graphical representation:

Shelves and cardboard boxes, some of them are open. Space, the final frontier and all that. I can imagine a slightly obese middle-aged quartermaster sitting behind that desk in lower-right corner playing solitaire and drinking coffee. Seriously tho, i'm sure that shelves and boxes, not mandatory cardboard, are what people imagine when they think of place where you store things.

--- Quote ---the problem that i see with this rewrite is that...
--- End quote ---
That was just a joke. :D But yeah, here's my try:


--- Quote ---The Storage facility is the base's repository for ammunition, weapons, and other equipment not currently in use, and it also serves as a garage for our battlefield vehicles. These remain in their bays until mission time, with fully-loaded magazines in case of a base attack.
Objects are being stored on pallets, and the Storage facility can fit a maximum of 50 standard-sized pallets of equipment. The amount of items in a pallet is relatively unimportant, size is the main restricting factor with regards to Storage facility space.

Recommended Doctrine
During a base attack, the Storage facility would not be more than a target of opportunity. Any sensitive equipment in the facility will most likely be protected and require significant effort to destroy. Even the facility itself is cheap and easy to repair.
--- End quote ---

homunculus:
Ok, I see you wanted a fun text previously, while I was thinking more about how it would fit in with the formal heading.

Here's my preference for readability (though my formal English in not excellent):
--- Quote ---Overview
The Storage facility is the base's repository for ammunition, weapons, and other equipment not currently in use, and a garage for battlefield vehicles.

Items
Soldier equipment (including assigned equipment and ammunition)
Ground Vehicles (not including assigned ammunition)
Aircraft equipment (not including assigned equipment and ammunition)
Alien artifacts (including items researched in lab; not including corpses and robots)
Capacity
50 standard-sized pallets.
Dependencies
Does not depend upon any other base facilities to function.

Recommended Doctrine
A dedicated production base may require two Storage facilities to keep production running smoothly.
During a base attack, the Storage facility would not be more than a target of opportunity. Sensitive equipment is stored in explosion-proof lockers. Storage facility is cheap and easy to repair.

Attachments
Standard Operating Procedure OD-1I3E5S-2653-145-816-5653-5U28-8989 Arms Room SOP (level Blue)
--- End quote ---
Of course, the game must not try to present GPL as an arms room sop, but might present is as a generic formal text.

Up to this day I have not figured out how the storage space works, except for looking at available storage space changes when I buy/sell things.

As far as I understand (and it will sound rude, but it is practical, so please don't take it personally), a good way it identify places in text that might need some attention is to try to say it and pay attention to the feeling of mouth full of porridge without much gain:
--- Quote ---[...] equipment not currently in use, and it also serves as a garage for our battlefield vehicles. [...]
--- End quote ---
I would replace it with:
--- Quote ---[...] equipment not currently in use, and a garage for battlefield vehicles. [...]
--- End quote ---
Especially considering that I think your version was great progress.

Vassilios de Veritas:

--- Quote ---I would replace it with:
--- End quote ---
Oh, i didn't pay much attention to that, just copy-pasted chunks from original.  :)
Honestly, this thread is really random for me. Just like i said in my first post here, it just made me recall that text and problems i had when i was working on translation. I also didn't try to make it more funny or formal, just point out some problems that would not make any text better and problems that definitely wouldn't make any video game entertaining.


--- Quote ---Items
Soldier equipment (including assigned equipment and ammunition)
Ground Vehicles (not including assigned ammunition)
Aircraft equipment (not including assigned equipment and ammunition)
Alien artifacts (including items researched in lab; not including corpses and robots)
--- End quote ---
Emm, including-not including parts look ugly, too repetitive and long.

--- Quote ---Up to this day I have not figured out how the storage space works, except for looking at available storage space changes when I buy/sell things.
--- End quote ---
Uhm, so maybe we need additional counter with available/occupied storage space?

homunculus:
Oh, don't worry, I am regularly puzzled about why I didn't create this thread in offtopic section, just to rant and nitpick on this low-priority text.

To my knowledge, repetitiveness is not necessarily a bad thing in such list.
Especially as it is meant to be skipped over if the reader is not interested in stored item types.
But it does look ugly, any better ideas how the same info could be said in a different way?

If I understood you correctly, there already is such counter.
Didn't check again, but I think the items take up different storage space, and the thing I have not understood is the logic behind it (I don't mean common sense logic, I mean the rules).

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