My comment:
Really nice, especially the melody, please add a little more variation to the drums, they loop almost through the whole track with only one break & almost no variation, maybe you should do some experiments with the hi-hats here...
The melody & ambient sounds in the background are 100% perfect IMHO (just a bit too short
)
If it helps to motivate: I already wrote a patch tracker item concerning this also
Sebastian Ahlen's 'Deep Blue Sea' from trunk is a perfect example for nice drums & breaks IMHO...
The Psymong tracks from trunk are perfect examples for creating atmosphere with sound, these are great IMHO...
Also check out the stuff from Manuel 'Vanethian' Marino in trunk...
Just for your inspiration...