I have played your game on and off over the last year and just happened to stumble upon your storyline page at the wiki... Historically, the intelligent and precise technology descriptions (and overall writing) throughout the game has impressed me greatly, but, well, this isn't terribly good. The first block labeled "Introduction" is quite relevant and well done, but it stumbles a bit after that.
First of all, I can't help but think that the writer was trying to make more of a political statement throughout the narrative rather than provide background information. The only parts that really seem to be written with care are those that carry political overtones. Example:
"Meanwhile, having become increasingly liberal during the Cold War years, China took on the mantle of world leader without knowing quite what to do with it."
> What does becoming "increasingly liberal" have to do with becoming the world leader? Is this a precise
political message you would like to send to your audience? If so, no problems there, but lets keep in mind
how other artistic mediums such as actors (Sharon Stone comes to mind) are perceived when they start
pushing political messages. The writing in this narrative is not strong enough to carry that kind of dead weight. Just stick to the facts please.
Next, the writing makes assumptions that are too far fetched.
"Government loyalists dropped a total of six 50-kiloton devices on heavily-defended rebel positions, including the civilian populations the rebels were protecting. The loyalist army suffered massive desertions in the days that followed; it was the single event that eventually spelled doom for the government."
> This is highly unlikely, a government that has the capacity to use a nuclear arsenal as a terror weapon would have a much stronger grip on their command. Where were these do-gooders when the order was sent to use the weapons? Why didn't they step in then? Nuclear weapons are not deployed by a "magic switch" - orders are given, passed through channels, and eventually a soldier on the ground tests and deploys them. In addition, its far more likely that the fear and greed of the soldiers would put a death grip on any notions of disloyalty. History has provided many examples. Again, it seems like you are pushing the idea that a liberal society is astutely more ethical. Please tell me a story - not a parable. I have to deal with politics on a daily basis, please just let me enjoy your game in peace.
I didn't want to go through a bunch of examples but I would be happy to provide more.
I understand that some background information is required to explain the new political boundaries but the writing just seems to preachy. Is any of this REALLY relevant to the plot? Stick with a few blanket facts and leave the political theorizing out of it.
Having said that, I love the game and the vast majority of the writing is phenomenal. I can't wait to see the next release.
